Thoughts on Turmoil

This is what’s kinda been in my head as of late…

When everything starts gong wrong you start asking lots of questions.

Did I mess up and God is punishing me?

Is Satan attacking me because I’m following God passionately?

Does this really have nothing to do with spiritual warfare and sometimes lousy days just happen?

When will things get better?

When will something go right?

Do I really have it that bad?

Could things be worse?

Should I really feel so stressed out at my small stupid problems when other people go through more difficulty and with more class?

Should I really be comparing myself to others?

Should I really feel so guilty for not being as strong and I think I should be?

Should I stop shoulding on myself?

If I start feeling better is it because in some strive forward toward maturity I’ve gained an objective outlook or have I just given up and lost hope?

Can I be full of hope and absent of hope at the same time?

What would a mature Christian do in this situation?

How should I be responding?

If I bottle it up and pretend nothings wrong is that fake?

Will there be deeper consequences to pay down the road if I don’t deal with these emotions now?

If I spew hurt and “feel sorry for me” on to everyone else is that the right thing to do?

What’s the right, true and proper way to respond to hardship?

Is there such a thing?

Am I being spiritually mature and humble by admiting that I don’t have it all together and I still need Jesus?

Am I being spiritually immature and prideful because I’m letting the world get to me and I should really rely on Jesus?

Have I been asking too many questions?


10 Responses to “Thoughts on Turmoil”

  1. 1 Al Sr. February 23, 2008 at 5:19 pm

    Pray, thank the Lord for all your manny blessings, ask the Lord for strength, wisdom and give you direction

  2. 2 Daniel Tomlinson February 23, 2008 at 9:24 pm

    I ask the same questions. I was just curious Billy, are you fighting depression too? ha!

    Seriously, it seems to me that I have unanswerable questions as well. What can I do when my pain has no language, and I can’t even communicate this silent mental illness to my wife. It doesn’t help to say I’m not suicidal because the pain is still real. Suicide would bring closer, but I’m healthy enough to know suicide is not the answer. I could not do that to my wife and daughter. Deep inside I sense that this eight year struggle is making me more godly, but there are days when I wonder why me?

    What place do love, forgiveness, repentance and self-control in terms of angry outbursts have in the many situations I find myself?

    I know I’m not suppossed to let the past control my present and future, but I’m not there yet. I’ll probably never be there, and so like Paul I learn to live with my “thorn in the flesh.”

    It keeps me longing for the new heavens and the new earth.

  3. 3 Debbie DeRubeis February 23, 2008 at 10:18 pm

    Hey Billy,
    Sorry to hear of the trials that you have encountered. May the Lord send you a double dose of HOPE and optimism. This sweet kid that I work with at Domino’s turned me on to some teachings by Rob Bel of Mars Hill Bible church. Really great stuff, also he makes these short teaching films under the headline of NOOMA. Just watched the rain one and thought of you. It’s OK to just cry out to Him from your guts, in the midst of the storm. Look forward to worshipping with you in the AM. Debbie D

  4. 4 Billy Chia February 24, 2008 at 12:07 pm

    Right on – God is the one gives strength.

    No, I’m not facing depression now, but yes, I have have faced depression in the past. I don’t want to be trite and say, “Just trust God, He can heal you of your depression.” I know you already know that. What I can tell you that I am a living testament of the power of God to overcome. I live a healed life but I still long for the new Heaven and new Earth 🙂

    Right on – I am a big Rob Bell fan. In fact Sarah and I even played a NOOMA video at our wedding. Some of his theology is kinda out there but I love his teaching style.

  5. 5 michaeldharris February 24, 2008 at 4:19 pm

    Just looking over the past few postings and one thing comes to mind. It is the time spent with Christ in Luke 10:38-42. Which are you more like in these recent situations, Mary or Martha? Many times we all try to fix our situations and forget the true things needed.

    We are praying that things will improve for you and your family.

    In the love of Jesus Christ,

  6. 6 Terry Foester February 25, 2008 at 10:15 am

    Hi Billy,

    A lot of your questions don’t have one word answers…but this one does…

    If I bottle it up and pretend nothings wrong is that fake? Answer: yes! But I think you already know that. Thanks for being open about all these. I’ve asked myself many of those questions.

    I was @ the Passion DC regional this weekend and Louie Giglio said this: “Our message is loudest when our lives hurt most”

    He also said that we need to cling to the cross in the darkest nights of the soul.


  7. 7 Billy Chia February 25, 2008 at 6:10 pm

    I love the Giglio quote.

    What I’ve found is that we live in a “bottle up” culture. Maybe that means we’re all a little fake.

    People tend to be pretty uncomfortable when you simply say, “yeah I’m down.” The natural response it to try to cheer that person up or offer them some type of advice rather than simply letting them mourn and move on. I’m guilty of it too.

  8. 8 Diana J February 26, 2008 at 8:21 am

    This is one of Charles Stanley’s 30 Life Prinicples:

    The dark moments of our life will last only so long as is necessary for God to accomplish His purpose in us.

    Kind of upside down hope isn’t it? Bless you – stay in the Word!

  9. 9 brunettekoala February 26, 2008 at 10:36 am

    I ask the same questions.

    I think it’s ok to ask questions. Doesn’t mean we’ll always get answers though.

    However, so many questions at once sounds like your brain is on overdrive…

    Will be praying for ya brother!

  10. 10 Sarah Chia March 2, 2008 at 3:53 pm

    I don’t agree with Terry that there’s a one word answer to the question about being fake.

    We have different relationships with different people, and where you share your deepest heart should be reserved for people that will respect it, not trample it, not ignore it, not dismiss it.

    “Bottling it up” until you have a chance to go to that relationship isn’t fake. I think it’s healthy.

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