Transparency on a Wednesday

Man I’m just stressed out today. Nothing has really happened today to make that happen, it’s only 10am, but the collective happenings of the last week or so are weighing heavily. I’m finding it hard to get going today or get motivated.

I love the question “What’s one thing I could get done today that would make me successful?”

Unfortunately it doesn’t seem to apply right now. I have 30 things that all need to get done yesterday. Maybe they don’t really “need” to get done. Maybe other people just want me to get them done and I’m just scared of hurting people or offending people. Maybe my struggle isn’t with my own calendar – I tend to be pretty good at being ruthless with myself. I can cut the non-essential down to the bone and focus like a mad man when it comes to my own heart.

When it comes to other people I wimp out.

I’m a people pleaser. I need people to like me and so I want to accomplish everything that everyone wants me to do – my bosses, my co-workers, my worship team, my family I want to keep them all satisfied. In that pursuit I’ve really haven’t impressed anyone at all.

Something needs to change. This way is not working.

14 Responses to “Transparency on a Wednesday”

  1. 1 Wisdom Moon July 9, 2008 at 10:39 am

    Thanks for being transparent. I know what you mean. It is a challenge when so many people have demands on you.

  2. 2 Ryan July 9, 2008 at 12:20 pm

    Man – this was an honest and raw post. It’s good to see those sometimes. I’ll be praying for you. I think we’re all people pleasers somewhere deep within us. Hang on to the fact that you are called to be a “workman approved by God” (2 Timothy 2:15) and not a workman approved by people 🙂

  3. 3 Giant July 9, 2008 at 12:39 pm

    Fight or flight, your choice.

  4. 4 jordan July 9, 2008 at 3:23 pm

    Dude you need a lifeframe where you can see it. It allows me to scream NO in my mind at people but of course out loud i say it gently. (

    More seriously, for years I lived as a people pleaser. I remember allowing this certain group to use our worship center every Thursday night and they never picked up afterwards and totally screwed up our patches on stage. So on Saturday, I’d have to get there extra extra early to set-up the mess they left. But I never said anything to them because I wanted to be “Christlike” servant. After I almost fried myself, I finally got professional help, part of which included reading Boundaries book by Townsend…a real God send. Now I say “no” a lot more and and much quicker to deal with conflict.

    On another subject…Dude what happened to the BIG billy chia logo on the top of the blog……maybe that is your problem…hahahahaa

  5. 5 Tyler July 9, 2008 at 3:34 pm

    i read something challenging this week. in no way is this meant as a stab at you.

    francis chan said that worry and stress are sins. i won’t go into depth on it, so i can blog about it 🙂

    anyway, as i thought about it, i think he is right. i stress way way way too much. and it puts me over God. that is idolatry and a sin.

    hopefully that came off as encouragement, not discouragement.

  6. 6 Billy Chia July 9, 2008 at 4:17 pm

    Good call – I used to be terrible at saying, “no.” Then I got way better at doing it. (For a while maybe I was even good at it.)

    I’m currently in a church culture where it’s not ok to say, “no.” It’s been a challenge to adapt.

    As for the big logo – I switched up templates to go for a cleaner look.

    Yeah I agree stressing is a sin. This is my confession and repentance.

  7. 7 Kristin July 9, 2008 at 5:29 pm

    Remind me to loan you a copy of Crucial Conversations: Tools for talking when the stakes are HIGH.

    This was a lifesaver for me and revolutionary for me in my field of Communication as it taught me how to say what I really want and not leave people angry about it.

    Great book, REALLY helpful. (as if you need another book to read I guess I could just teach you about it).

  8. 8 Fred McKinnon July 9, 2008 at 7:00 pm

    Well man – it goes without saying … but ultimately, (dang, this sounds so cliche’) … please God. On days like this, it’s good to just close the door, turn off the phone, and you’d be amazed what an hour just praying and worshiping can do. It can turn your “to-do” list upside down.

    The sad thing is, ministry demands SO MUCH from us … that we work so hard, we don’t make time to just “minister to God” and “get ministered to”.

    Hope it turns around for you tonight.

  9. 9 Sarah Chia July 10, 2008 at 6:34 am

    Hey, kid… I think you’re awesome. I’m so in love with you, and this life we have together… it pretty much rocks.

  10. 10 Jean July 10, 2008 at 12:10 pm

    billy- there are plenty of m & m’s to go around. I’ll share mine with you. Jean

  11. 11 janowen July 11, 2008 at 7:19 am

    Billy, I can so relate. I broke out in a sweat reading your post. Sympathy sweats. Or flashbacks. Or flash forwards. 🙂 Anyway, just wanted to say I too am a people pleaser and it’s an addiction that is hard to break, or control, maybe. I don’t think it’s bad to like to make people happy. Look at the alternative. We don’t want you to become an inconsiderate jerk either!

    So what to do? As Fred says, sometimes we need God more than anything else – and it quiets our hearts and spirits to worship for God’s sake, not cause we’re supposed to. I also urge you to check out “Boundaries” and to outline some personal ones for yourself. I am in the midst of this as I am on my way back to work after a sabbatical.

    I have lived where you live. I understand your frustration. It is hard to learn to say no. It’s hard to know what to say no to! I pray God will meet you on this journey…….

  12. 12 Deborah July 11, 2008 at 10:36 am

    Wow, I hope things are going better for you today. I’ve been there done this…the Lord really spoke to me the last time in Philippians 1:1-2….Philippians is all about stress-free living…:) I think this applies as Paul was in prison in Rome when he wrote it…a little stressful.. 🙂 But briefly, the Lord reminded me A) who I was in Him 1:1a, you have to know what you want to accomplish, 1:1b-c and that God can and will empower you to do so..1:2.

    Hope that helps a little and I will be praying for you! 🙂

  13. 13 Al Sr July 12, 2008 at 10:14 am

    Things happen in the Lord’s time, be patient, Lord know best and moves in strange ways.

    We’ll continue to pray for you & yours.

  14. 14 brunettekoala July 13, 2008 at 3:03 pm

    I can relate to this Billy. Been really busy and getting stressed out recently as well as having my faith and trust in God tested at times.

    I guess it comes down to taking time out to bring it all before God – it’s amazing how time out can refresh us and make us so much more efficient as we rely on God instead of trying to sum up all of our own strength to get the job done.

    A wise pastor’s wife once said when asked how she maintains her workload – “I don’t do anything that someone else could do”.

    As Fred (and others have agreed) – please God. Or as I like to cheesily say – live for an audience of One (THE One – or three I guess depending on how you look at it!)

    Praying for you guys, and hope you have a lovely time in Nashville.

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